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[SWAG. Day. The Danger Force kids are in the classroom, wearing their uniforms. Enter Captain Man, holding a large folder and a cup of coffee]

Captain Man: Alright, simmer down, everybody, let's cut the chatter.

ShoutOut: No one was talking.

[Brainstorm is eating a sandwich]

AWOL: Yeah, man. No chatter to cut.

Captain Man: Oh, well, I kinda had my heart set on telling you guys to cut the chatter, so... can I come in again and maybe hear some chatter?

AWOL: I didn't realize we were here to meet your needs.

Captain Man: Well, guess what -- you are.

AWOL: Then we can do that.

Captain Man: Great! I'll come in again. [leaves as everyone talks over each other, then re-enters] Alright, calm down, everybody, let's cut the chatter!

[they continue to talk]

Captain Man: I said let's cut the chatter!

[everyone stops talking]

Brainstorm: Alright, waddaya got for us today, Cap?

Captain Man: What I got is a big, steamin' bowl a' crime chowder. [shows folder, cover reads "CRIME LAB" with a logo] So grab your spoons -- let's eat.

[Volt, AWOL, and Brainstorm bark like dogs]

ShoutOut: I digitized all those papers for you and uploaded them to the smartboard.

[the smartboard shows a list of crimes]

Captain Man: Oh, well, what am I supposed to do with these? [referring to the folder]

ShoutOut: Recycle them?

Captain Man: [laughs] Absolutely not.

Brainstorm: Throw them away.

Captain Man: Better.

ShoutOut: What?!

[Captain Man throws away the folder]

Volt: Burn 'em?

Captain Man: Best!

ShoutOut: For real?!

[Captain Man shoots a laser at the trash can, which creates a fire and burns the folder]

Captain Man: [laughs] Recycle them. [picks up a pencil from the top of his ear and throws it in the burning trash can] Ok! Crime time.

[Mika aims a fire extinguisher at the trash can]

Captain Man: [reads list of crimes from a tablet] Uh, let's see, someone stole a garden gnome off some old lady's front yard.

ShoutOut: Boring.

AWOL and Brainstorm: Pass.

Captain Man: Uh, somebody hit Scary Gary in the head with a garden gnome... Oh, actually, those two might be related.

[Mika extinguishes the fire]

Volt: Get to the good crimes!

Captain Man: Ok, gimme a sec, gimme a sec... [scrolls down to reveal more crimes on the list] Uh, somebody stole all the books from the Swellview library- [blows raspberry and points his thumb down] Murd-


Volt: [stands up with electricity coming from her fingers] Someone's gonna fry tonight!

Captain Man: Are you guys serious?

ShoutOut: Of course we are!

AWOL: Libraries are a treasure trove of infinite knowledge!

Brainstorm: And adventure!

Captain Man: What?

ShoutOut: Stealing books from the library is not just a crime against one person.

AWOL: It's a crime against the whole community.

Volt: And it will not stand!

Captain Man: Okay, please tell me there's some kind of a sick turn coming.

Volt: Only thing comin' is vengeance.

Brainstorm: And adventure!

AWOL: Because we love the library!

ShoutOut: Look, the crime is already in our shopping cart. Just hit checkout!

Captain Man: Y'all are a bunch of nerds. Alright, uh, gimme a second to read the details. [details about the crime pop up on the smartboard] Ok, look, see, they didn't steal all the books. They left, like, ten copies of that one.

AWOL: Hey, what book is that?

Captain Man: Uh, it is... [zooms in revealing it to be a book about Captain Man, titled "Man, I Feel Like a Hero: One Captain Man's Journey of Self-Discovery (A Captain Man-Festo, the True Story of the Boy Who Became Captain Man" ] Oh. My. God.

Volt: Is that you on the cover?

Captain Man: [emotionally] Yes.

ShoutOut: And they left it there?

Captain Man: Yes.

ShoutOut: All ten copies?

Captain Man: Yes.

AWOL: They literally stole every book in the library except yours?

Captain Man: Someone's gonna fry tonight! [punches some donuts on a nearby plate]

Volt: Yes!

[jelly from a donut hits Brainstorm]

Brainstorm: I'm hit! [falls]

[Shoutout, AWOL, and Volt walk to him]

ShoutOut: Relax, it's just-

Brainstorm: This is the end for old Bosey. Confession time. I'm the one who stole that garden gnome! [pretends to die]

Volt: Dude, you're fine, that's jelly.

Brainstorm: [sits up and tastes it] So it is. Raspberry if I'm not mistaken.

[another fire appears out of nowhere in the trash can]

Captain Man: Uh-oh, hot can!

ShoutOut: [groans]

Captain Man: [laughs] That thing doesn't wanna stay out!

ShoutOut: [holding the fire extinguisher] This wouldn't have happened if you had just recycled it.

Captain Man: We also wouldn't be laughing, so, I mean-

[everyone except ShoutOut laughs]

[Man's nest. Day. Brainstorm and AWOL are stretching, Volt is sitting on the couch, ShoutOut works on the computer, and Captain Man paces around the room]

Captain Man: Alright, who's ready to break some teeth?

Volt: Always!

AWOL: Mmm, ready in a bit.

Brainstorm: Just gotta do a little stretching first.

Captain Man: But I wanna break teeth now!

ShoutOut: We don't even know whose teeth to break yet.

Captain Man: Wrong. I just uploaded a list of the most likely suspects.

[a list of possible suspects are listed with their locations: The Toddler, Dr. Mikyak, Arson Boy, Lula Elena Chapa De Silva, Frankini, Mr. Nice Guy, Jeff, Lil' Mustache, Big Mustache]

ShoutOut: This is literally every criminal in Swellview.

Captain Man: Yeah, plus a couple people I just don't like.

ShoutOut: And they're scattered all over town.

Captain Man: Well, we better get going. We got a long night ahead of us. Hope you're all wearing your teeth-breaking pants!

Volt: One of those dots is me.

Captain Man: Well, where were you last night, huh? Out stealing every book in Swellview except mine?!

Volt: I don't steal books, I'm not a monster.

Captain Man: We'll see...

ShoutOut: I got a better way to find the criminal.

Captain Man: Better than spending six to eight days walking all over town, collecting criminal teeth to get that sweet, sweet coin from the Tooth Fairy until we randomly happen upon some criminal that admits to stealing the books? I'd like to hear it.

ShoutOut: Well, you know that place, The Beatin' Dungeon?

Brainstorm: I barely know where I am right now.

Captain Man: The Beatin' Dungeon is this place where villains and heroes get together to fight each other for fun.

Volt: Sweat! When do we go?

ShoutOut: Tomorrow night. It's Villains Only Night".

Captain Man: So?

AWOL: So, we get Schwoz to make up some bad guy costumes...

ShoutOut: We head down to The Beatin' Dungeon...

Brainstorm:.. and adopt a rescue dog that we bring home and say "in a way, he rescued us".

Volt: So close.

AWOL: Was he?

ShoutOut: Or, we hang out and see if any criminals are bragging about stealing books from the library.

Volt: In!

AWOL: Let's do this!

Captain Man: Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some captain in it.

ShoutOut: I don't know what that means.

Volt: Me niether.

AWOL: He thinks he has an idea.

Brainstorm: Can we please get a dog?

Captain Man: It means it's up to me to point out that nobody ever goes to Villains Only Night. Check out their Fakebook page. [a social media account of The Beatin' Dungeon appears on the monitor. The layout looks very similar to Facebook]

ShoutOut: I thought of that, and I have a solution!

Captain Man: A better solution than spending six to eight days walking all over town collecting criminal-

ShoutOut: Yes. We just have to offer something else that everyone loves.

Brainstorm: Like face painting.

ShoutOut: Yes! Face painting.

Volt: Even I love a good face paint.

AWOL: Everyone loves face painting.

Volt: Cat eyes.

AWOL: I like a good tiger on my cheek.

[ShoutOut refreshes the website. The cover now says "The Beatin' Dungeon, now with FREE FACE PAINTING!"]

Captain Man: Wait a minute. That's not gonna work.

[Many villains respond, agreeing to attend]

Brainstorm: [whispering] It seems like it's working.

Captain Man: Fine, but where are you gonna find somebody to paint faces? Huh? For free.


[enter Schwoz, landing down from a zipline, reading the Captain Man book. Everyone is startled.]

Schwoz: Yes?

AWOL: Can you paint faces?

Schwoz: Yes.

ShoutOut: For free?

Schwoz: Yes.

Volt: Then be at The Beatin' Dungeon tomorrow night.

Schwoz: Ok. [flies back up to continue reading]

AWOL: .. and you gotta make us bad guy costumes!

Schwoz: [offscreen] Ok.

Brainstorm: And you gotta let us adopt a dog!

Schwoz: No-kay.

Brainstorm: Fine, but if I steal another garden gnome to fill the void inside me, it's your fault. [storms off]


[Man's Nest. Day. Danger Force is waiting for Schwoz to give bad guy costumes. Bose listens to music on his headphones as Miles tries to get his attention]

Miles: Bose! Get over here! Schwoz is giving us our bad guy costumes!

Bose: [hops up, leaving behind his headphones] Sweat! Do bad guys know?

Mika: Uh, no, we're still good...

Miles: We just gotta look bad...

Mika: So we can go undercover to Villains Only Night at The Beatin' Dungeon...

Chapa: And find whoever stole the books from the library.

Bose: Ok, cool!

[Schwoz walks over]

Bose: [to Schwoz] I just came up with a great bad guy persona for myself. I want to be... "Bad Bose".

Mika: That's definitely bad, but not in the way you're thinking.

Bose: Oh, I'm not thinking at all. That's my secret.

Schwoz: It took me all night to make these bad guy gumballs, so the rule is you get what you get and you don't get upset.

[they talk over each other]

Schwoz: [as he's passing out the gumballs] No frowny making, no head shaking, no belly aching, no offense taking. You just chew and blow, and off you go.

[The Danger Force kids transform into their bad guy costumes]

Mika: Nice...

Miles: What have you done to me?

Bose: Love this!

Schwoz: [to Miles, who now has a long beard] You are Weird Beard, because your beard is weird.

Miles: [groans]

Schwoz: Da-da-da- What did I say?

Miles: I mean, I love it.

Schwoz: Good!

Mika: Why is mine so scary?

Schwoz: Because, you're a villain- The Mangler!

Mika: I know, but does it have to be this scary?

[Schwoz sighs]

Mika: What if I was something like... The Pretty Bad Pony, or, just The Pretty Pony!

Schwoz: You're The Mangler! [gives Mika a spear] This is your mangling stick.

Mika: Is this dried blood?

Schwoz: Yes, it will dry eventually. [to Chapa] You are El Stabador.

Chapa: Claro que si! Y mi destino es-

Schwoz: [to Bose] And you are a Yerban Santa Claus who takes toys from kids, then punches them.

Bose: I can do that! Do I get a bloody stick?

Mika: Yes! [gives the spear to Bose]

Schwoz: Ok, time to head to The Beatin' Dungeon-

Ray: [offscreen] Caw-caw!

[The Man's Nest door slides open, revealing Ray dressed as a bird]

Schwoz: Oh, I forgot about Ray.

Ray: [in a deep, Batman-like voice] Ray no longer exists. He's been re-hatched... as HawkFist! Caw-caw!

Miles: "Hatched"? So, you were once an egg?

Ray: I guess.

Chapa: And if you were re-hatched, that means you hatched twice?

Ray: If that's what I said, then yes.

Mika: Do hawks even have fists?

Ray: This one does.

Bose: So, who were your parents?

Ray: I don't know. a hawk and a fist- why don't you guys shut up?

Miles: Because we have a lot of questions about this.

Ray: There's no time. To The Beatin' Dungeon! Caw-caw! [runs to the double doors]

Schwoz: Ray, you can't fly!

Ray: Ray can't, but HawkFist can. Caw-caw!

Schwoz: Ray, no, don't! You'll fall down the side of the mountain!

[Ray runs through the doors and falls down the side of the mountain. Cut to everyone at The Beatin' Dungeon. Rock and Roll music plays as we pan through many different villains. El Stabador accidentally pokes a hole in a blonde female's coffee cup, making coffee spill out of the side. Some of the coffee spills on the blonde female's hands, and she shakes her hands to get the coffee off. Weird Beard pulls a churro out of his beard and eats it. Yerban Santa Claus and HawkFist stare at each other for a few seconds until they start smiling at each other and nodding their heads quickly.]

Ray: Stop it! [HawkFist walks to Chapa. The Butcher stands in front of everyone else and gets their attention]

The Butcher: Hello? Hi, can I have everyone's attention please? [everyone stops talking and listens] For those of you that don't know, I am The Butcher, and I just want to give everybody a big thank you for attending Villains Only Night! [everyone cheers until Betty Blades throws a rocket blade at The Butcher] Woah, simmer down there, Betty Blades.

Betty Blades: I throw rocket blades!

The Butcher: And we love you for it! But, tonight is about our evil community coming together, to say "Hey, we're bad people, but we're still people". [everyone cheers] And, we must give a big thank you to our free evil face painter! [everyone cheers at the face painter, who is Schwoz dressed as Bob Ross] Now, what I want everyone to do is talk to three villains you haven't talked to before, because an evil stranger is just an evil friend you haven't met yet! So, go out and be on your worst behavior, and have fun, but not too much fun, okay- [another blade is thrown] Betty!

Betty: [giggles neurotically]

Elsewhere in The Beatin' Dungeon, Ray and Chapa talk to The Lizard Twins

Lizard Twin #1: No, no, I love the name HawkFist..

Ray: [in Batman voice] 'Preciate that.

Lizard Twin #2: But do hawks... have fists?

Ray: Yes!

Chapa: I told you no one would get it.

Ray: I told you to shut up!

Lizard Twin #1: What about NightHawk?

Ray: Look. You don't think that there's a day that goes by that I don't regret naming myself HawkFist?

Lizard Twin #1: Or maybe Hawkules!

Lizard Twin #2: Oh! Oh! Because you're a hawk, but you're strong!

Ray: Ok, love that. New name! I'm Hawkules now! New name, Hawkules, that's me. [he grabs a collection of name tags and writes his new name on one of them] Caw!

Elsewhere in The Beatin' Dungeon, Mika talks to some villains.

Mika: Oh, I'm a real bad person... like... yeah... Sometimes, I think of doing good things, and then I say "uh, no thank you!", and then I do... you know... the bad things.

Betty: Like what?

Mika: Hmm?

Betty: Like what?

Mika: Oh, you know, think of the worst things that people can do... [everyone does so] .. now double them! [everyone gasps] That's me. Now, while I have your ears, does anyone know which rascal nabbed all those books from The Swellview Library? Hmmm? Anyone? Anyone know? Hmmm? No?

Elsewhere, Miles and Chapa ask Doug the Thug about the books, hoping to find out who stole them.

Miles: So, you know anything about all those books that got stolen from The Swellview Library?

Doug: Stealing books? Nah, that's too evil for me. I'm just trying to flood a children's hospital!

Chapa: Why not just flood the whole town?

Doug: What?

Miles: Yeah, what?

Chapa: I'm just saying, you wanna be evil? Blow up the Swellview Dam, you'll flood the whole town.

Miles: No, I don't think that's a-

Doug: Ok, that is fantastic!

Chapa: You're welcome!

Doug: I like you.

Chapa: I like me, too.

Doug: You are going places, evil girl.

Chapa: Maybe I'm already there.

Doug walks off

Miles: Hmmm?

Chapa: I have ideas. [Chapa walks off. Meanwhile, Schwoz tries to paint Bose's face, but Bose keeps flinching and trying to eat the paint]

Schwoz: Stop trying to eat the paintbrush!

Bose: But it looks like frosting!

The Lawn Ranger approaches

Lawn Ranger: Hey, hey, fellas! Good news for the ol' Lawn Ranger! My mom says I don't have to move out of the basement!

Meanwhile, Ray continues to try and impress the Lizard Twins.

Ray: Hey, uh, I know we all hate Captain Man, but, uh, you guys read his book? It's a pretty great read.

Lizard Twin #1: That dummy wrote a book?

Ray: It's a real page turner.

Lizard Twin #2: I can't remember the title.

Ray: Uh, yeah, it's something like, uh... Man I feel like a hero, colon, one Captain Man's journey of self-discovery, parenthesis, a Captain Man-ifesto, asterisk, the true story of the boy who became Captain Man, and parenthesis, exclamation point. Or something like that.

Lizard Twin #2: Oh, yeah! We read it in our evil book club! No one made it through chapter 1.

Ray: I think you mean capter one.

Lizard Twin #2: Oh, that's right! He called the chapters capters!

Lizard Twin #1: That's so stupid!

Ray: You're stupid! [knocks down their drinks] Caw-caw! [leaves but is startled by The Lawn Ranger]

Lawn Ranger: Hey there!

[Ray leaves and walks elsewhere]

Mika: So, none of you know who stole those books?

[everyone talks over each other, agreeing]

Betty: Wait a second, it could be Book Theivin' Steven.

[everyone agrees until Steven joins the conversation]

Steven: Are you guys talking about book thieven'?

Villains in unison: Steven!

Steven: What is going on, bad guys?

Betty: She [referring to Mika] was just wondering who stole all those books from the Swellview Library.

Steven: Oh, yeah, that was me. I mean, I didn't take all the books. I left Captain Man's stupid one behind!

Betty: 'Course.

Steven: So, why'd ya wanna know?

Mika: Oh! I just wanted to shake your hand! [Mika and Steven do a handshake] Because it's such a really good crime to steal books that are already free. [hand shaking continues]

Steven: Wow, that's a really firm grip.

Mika: I mean, how do you even read all those books?

Steven: Oh, I don't read any of them.

Mika: Oh, you don't even read them! Then what do you do with all those free books that you steal?

Steven: Oh, I burn some, I shred some, but most of the time, I just tear out the pages one by one and use them to wipe my-

[Mika super-screams at Steven]

Steven: Face. I was gonna say my face.

Lawn Ranger: It's ShoutOut!

Betty: Who?

The Butcher: She's not a villain. She's in Danger Force!

Schwoz: I'm outta here. [quickly shoots a rope at the ceiling and uses it as a zipline to escape] Byeeeeee!

The rest of the villains angrily look at Mika.

The villains talk over each other as The Butcher tries to get their attention.

Butcher: Ok, ok. Now, we've all got lots of evil ideas about what to do with this member of Danger Force that snuck into Villains Only Night.

Lawn Ranger: [raises hand] Ahem. Uh, [everyone looks at him] let's throw grass in her face!

Everyone disagrees

Butcher: No, Lawn Ranger, we're not going to-

Lawn Ranger: Let's throw grass on her shoulders!

Butcher: No!

Lawn Ranger: Grass on her head!

Steven: Ok, it can't be grass every time, buddy.

Lawn Ranger: It comes from the earth, man! It's good!

Chapa: I think what we should do with her is get a buncha' battery acid and some steak knives...

Miles: Stop! Honestly...

Ray: No, no, no, no.

Miles: We're not trying to come up with ways to hurt her.

Bose: We need to save her. What are we gonna do?!

Ray: [in deep voice] Relax. HawkFist has a plan.

Chapa: I thought you changed your name to Hawkules.

Ray: Oh, yeah. Then I changed it again. I'm now The "'Talon'-ted Mr. Hawkley". [former names are written on sticky notes on his uniform. He grabs some of Miles' fake beard hair] Caw-caw!

Miles: I do not feel good about this plan.

Elsewhere in The Beatin' Dungeon, some villains yell over each other at The Butcher.

Butcher: Quiet! Quiet! [chatter continues, Ray joins the party]

Ray: Alright, everybody, let's cut the chatter! [everyone immediately stops talking and stares at Ray] Nice! Alright. The Talon-ted Mr. Hawkley will deal with this girl.

Lizard Twin #2: Who's that, HawkFist?

Ray: Me!

Lizard Twin #1: I thought you were Hawkules-

Ray: Uh, moving on! [walks to Mika] I'm gonna scratch this girl, and she will bleeeeeeed! [everyone likes this idea] Yeah! Ok, ShoutOut. Get ready to feel my talon punch!

Lizard Twin #2: Shouldn't your talons be on your feet?

Ray: Oh my God, whatever, just let me do this, shut up! Caw-caw! [pretends to scratch her, Mika plays along as the villains watch and cheer]

Mika: Oh, no! I'm being scratched!

Lawn Ranger: Yeah! Get her, Hawkules!

Ray: That's three names ago, try to keep up!

Lawn Ranger: Sorry!

Mika: I'm definitely bleeding! Oh, but I am so, very defeated! [she is on the floor]

Ray: Ok, then. I'm just going to take her back to my lair, and, uh, feed her to my baby birds. [Betty Blades walks to him]

Betty: Wait a second!

Ray: What? [dips her finger in the "blood" and licks it. The rest of the villains are grossed out by it, thinking the blood is real]

Betty: It tastes sweet!

Ray: Of course it does! The taste of victory is always sweet.

Betty: Yeah, but that's just jelly. Raspberry if I'm not mistaken.

The Butcher: The "Talon"-ted Mr. Hawkley Must've used that donut!

Ray: No, I didn't.

Lizard Twin #2: But you did, though.

Ray: What?

Lizard Twin #1: Right before you fake-scratched her!

Lizard Twin #2: And un-stuck her from the wall.

The Butcher: Yeah!

Doug: Are you even a real villain, bro?

Ray: [points to one of his name tags] What does this say, huh?

Lizard Twin #2: I have no idea.

Lizard Twin #1: You kept scratching out your villain name and adding new ones.

Betty: Does one of them say "Hawklet Milk"?

Ray: Maybe.

Doug: That's dumber than Captain Man's book!

Ray: Alright! That's it! [storms off] Where's my dang gum?

Butcher: Are there any other members of Danger Force here?

Miles: [walks to Mika in teleport mode] Yeah, but not for long. Byeeeeee! [teleports with Mika]

Butcher: Ok, uh, are there any more members of Danger Force here?

Bose: [points to himself] Uh, my guy, my guy. [Chapa tries to stop him]

Chapa: What are you doing?

Bose: Right here. Call myself Brainstorm. 'Course, my real name's B- [Chapa electrifies The Butcher suddenly, out of rage, which makes him fall to the ground]

Lizard Twin #2: It's Volt!

Captain Man storms in

Captain Man: Alright, you jerks! Anybody wanna make fun of my book now?! [everyone agrees. Steven turns on a jukebox nearby which plays fighting music. Captain Man starts to fight each villain individually. Elsewhere, Bose uses his telekinesis to lift a cup of water, for himself, and drinks it.]

Bose: Got it! [drinks it] Ok, I'm properly hydrated. I can fight now!

[The rest of the Danger Force members fight the villains as well. Chapa accidentally hits Bose with electricity, which makes him faint]

Chapa: Oh, come on! [the fighting continues as she gets him back up on his feet. Nearly all the villains are knocked out. The Lawn Ranger runs away to his mommy in fear. Captain Man yells at one of the last standing villains, which makes him scream and jump out a nearby window. He uses a hanging chain as a zipline to knock out a villain who has just gotten back up on his feet. Now, Chapa and Bose are both holding Book Theiven' Steven] Captain Man! We got him!

Bose: We got the book thief!

Chapa: We did it!

Bose: Now, let's see who he really is. [tries to tear off his face as though it is a mask]

Steven: Ah! Ow, my face!

Ray: Uh, Brainstorm, buddy, there's no mask.

Brainstorm: Ok. So, what do we do with him?

They all look at Steven

Chapa: I have ideas.

Man's Nest. Night. A flat-screen TV is on, showing a fireplace. Steven is tied up in a chair, next to Captain Man, who is about to read one of his books to him as a punishment.

Steven: Please, don't! I'll do anything!

Captain Man: Settle down, buddy. You're gonna be here for 32 capters, epilogue, an alt ending, and a whole section at the end where I teach 'ya how to draw a cartoon version of me!

Steven: No, no, no, no, no, please! Please! Please!

Captain Man: But first, the introduction, written by me.

Steven: No!

Volt, ShoutOut, Brainstorm, and AWOL are drinking hot chocolate nearby.

Volt: [drinks hot chocolate] Ah. Hot chocolate just tastes better after you catch a bad guy.

Brainstorm: Everything does. [tries to eat the cup]

ShoutOut: Honey, don't...

Volt: Just let him.

AWOL: Can I get a little hot chocolate?

Volt: Did you catch a bad guy?

AWOL: I saved ShoutOut.

Volt: So, you caught a good guy.

ShoutOut: Ok, that's not fair.

Volt: Tastes pretty fair to me.

Everyone talks over each other

Captain Man: Cut the chatter back there! [everyone stops talking as Captain Man begins to read] "Capter one: The Beginning". It all just kinda Captain'ed. My father was an irresponsible scientist, and it was bring your kid to work day...